Recently, a TV commercial has been airing which includes the lyrics of Whodini’s 1984 song “Friends.” The words that play on the commercial begin with “Friends… How many of us have them?”
As this song has been playing through my head, I’ve been thinking a lot about the questions the lyrics pose. The truth is that good friendships can often be taken for granted, and that not all of us have them. This is also the case for the kids we work with - while friendship is an important part of childhood, it doesn’t come easy to everyone.
Thankfully, we can help kids develop the skills needed for healthy friendships. A great place to work with students on this is in a small group setting. I love doing friendship skills small groups because they give kids a safe place to practice and apply the things they’re learning.
The tricky thing about these small groups is figuring out which concepts to cover. I’m sure if I asked you to come up with a list of important friendship skills, you could think of dozens of them - too many to cram into a 6 or 8 session counseling small group.
That’s why I’ve compiled a list of 4 must-have components to include in your next small group, as well as some easy activities to get you started! These ideas will make your friendship-themed small group lessons stress-free, and will ensure that your students have the skills they need for healthy friendships.
1.Getting Clear: What Is A Good Friend?
As you begin your friendship skills small group, it’s crucial to get everyone on the same page about what a good friend actually is. Although this might seem like common knowledge, each kid in the group will come in with different experiences, and therefore will have a different definition of what makes a good friend.
This first session is a great time to clear up any misconceptions that kids might have, and to establish clear definitions and understandings for the rest of the group lessons. I love to use analogies for this, like comparing a friendship to a recipe, building, puzzle, etc., where different qualities of a friendship come together to make something beautiful.
If you like the idea of making a “recipe” for friendship, you can use the YouTube video below and then talk to students about which ingredients they think a good friendship has.To add to the fun, you can bring in actual food to make your “recipes!”
One way to do this is to give them practical ways to start a conversation with others. Some easy ideas I like to give students are:
Introducing yourself
Giving a compliment
Asking a question
Thinking about what you already know about the person
Then, it’s important to do some role playing. The more practice the students have with this skill, the easier it will be for them to use it in real life. Students can role play with each other, with the instructor, or even use puppets or dolls to act out scenes.
You can also use this lesson to talk about how it’s okay (and even good!) to have more than one friend.
3. Being A Good Friend: Why And How
While I always start the small group off with helping students identify the qualities of a good friend, it’s important to also include a lesson on being a good friend. After learning about what it means to be a good friend, some students only look for these characteristics in others - and not in themselves. It’s easy to point the finger at someone else and say that they aren’t being a good friend, but it’s also important to consider how we can be good friends.
When kids can focus on being a good friend to others, they may be more likely to attract friends. They also may have fewer negative experiences in their friendships.
Some small group activities to help students focus on being a good friend are using a friendship skills self-assessment, or helping students create a practical plan of specific things they can do to be a good friend to others. The purpose of this lesson is to really get kids to consider whether or not they’re a good friend to others and to create a tangible plan to be a good friend going forward.
4. When Things Are Hard: Conflict Resolution Skills
Of course, no matter how many positive friendship skills someone has, no friendship is perfect. There’s always the potential for conflict, disagreements, or frustrations. Instead of pretending this isn’t the case and hoping for the best, it’s important to give students tools they can use when friendships don’t quite go as planned.
