Talking money doesn't have to feel monstrous — especially if you make it fun by setting a money date. No matter your current relationship to money, this should be a time that you set aside to demystify the basics, build a healthy relationship with money, and learn ways to grow your wealth. This intentional time together allows you to give your full attention to how you relate to money and how to create the habits and lay down a healthy foundation to create financial wellness. Hopefully, you'll walk away from your money date with a confident, stress-free relationship to money.
What is a money date?
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A money date can take on many forms, but it should always align with where you are in life. If you're single — or choose to keep money separate in your relationship — then a money date can be carving out time for yourself to create a comfortable space and review your priorities, values, and overall financial goals and hopefully actually set a plan in motion to achieve those. If you're in a relationship with combined finances, a money date can also be a way for you and your significant other to come together to talk about money and what matters most to each of you in a way that makes you comfortable and makes finances more approachable. TBH, even a group of friends can also get together with the purpose of focusing on money and topics that can help each of you gain better insights and strategies into reducing financial stress and building financial wellness and wealth.
How do you plan a money date?
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A good starting point is to simply just...begin. One step leads into the next and before you know it, you've built life-long healthy money habits. But what does "beginning" actually look like? If you have a S.O., it's important to quickly chat with each other and establish the importance of money dates. Let them know that you want to work together to build healthy conversations around your goals and values with an emphasis on money and how that plays into your financial success. If you want to create a group of friends to have more structured conversations together, then think of 5-7 people that you think would be interested in the topic, add value to the conversation, and benefit from the discussion. And yes, even if you decide you want to focus on your money individually, you still need to structure it just like you structure time for your workouts!
No matter who you have your money date with, my best advice is to keep it consistent and have some guidelines. Being consistent means that you plan accordingly and you do the work if you want to enjoy the benefits. Set a time for individual or couple conversations — once a week for an hour is reasonable. For a group, once a month is more realistic. It will be more productive if you have the conversation in a place where you don't get distracted and where you have privacy as money can be a sensitive topic. Over a cup of coffee on the deck or a glass of wine on the couch, whatever works best for you.
What should you talk about on a money date?
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There are a number of topics you should cover during a money date, which is why I suggest scheduling yours for one hour a week, same day, same time, and same place. You're establishing a habit and this is the best way for you to be consistent and reach your goal of financial health and wellness. The topics will be broad and then there should be opportunities for you to dig further down. My favorite break the ice question to get things started? Ask someone what's important to them about money.
Starting with this question will bring down some barriers and take the focus off how much money you have (quantitative) to what is important to you (qualitative). There will be plenty of time to go over numbers, but the first money date should be focused on dreams, goals, and values.
It's also critical to avoid money shaming during your conversation. Think about your relationship with money. How did you grow up learning about money? Did your parents fight about it? Was it a taboo subject that nobody spoke about? Or was there a scarcity of money? Think about it — these memories we have about money and our first introduction to money can have a negative affect on us that we don't even realize until we start to ask these questions. By starting conversations with qualitative questions first, you will quickly find out what your differences are and what the pain points are and help you identify the areas that you will need to discuss and work through more carefully.
After that, the first step in any of the following topics is to gather the information. Bring all the details with you to the date. There will be time to dig in deeper, have discussions around it, and make a decision or two — although don't worry about solving it all in one date. The point here is to make process based on the information you have at hand. The areas that you should address include the following:
- Cash Flow: What's coming in (salary, income) and what's going out (expenses). There's no way around it — your expenses must be less than your income to be financially successful. Budgeting is usually the first place to start, but can also be the most difficult. It's okay to skip this one for now and come back to it if needed. Think of this as taking charge of your money one step at a time!
- Debt: Credit cards, car loans, mortgages, student loans... no matter what type you have, debt can be challenging and ultimately set you back years financially if you don't address it the right way. There's definitely a difference between good debt and bad debt, and knowing which one is which is important to help you understand the best way to tackle this.
- Retirement: It can be hard to think about retirement when you're in your earning or accumulation years. The key is to set up an automatic process where the money goes into your retirement accounts before it ever hits your bank account. You won't miss it if you don't see it.
- Insurance/Protection: There are many reasons to transfer risk away from you onto an insurance company. Start with the basics — life, auto, home, and consider your company's benefits here as well.
- Investing: The time value of money and compound interest are your best friends. Automating monthly deposits into your investment account is a great way to build wealth over time.
- Estate Planning: Nobody likes to think of this one, but it's important to address. Retirement accounts and insurance falls outside of the will so be sure to update your beneficiaries annually(who you want to get your money if something were to happen to you). You will need at least the three basic documents as well - will, (who gets your money, assets and personal items) power of attorney (who can make financial decisions for you if you are unable to do so) and health care proxy (who can make medical decisions on your behalf)
- Education: If you have kids and want to plan for the growing costs of college, 529s custodial accounts and other investments are available to help do so.
- Philanthropy: Are you charitably inclined? Do you have causes that are important to you? Did you know that there are other ways to donate other than writing a check? You can also donate stock (Most who donate stock will donate appreciated stock, or stock that has gone up in value).
What happens after your money date?
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Having an easy way to approach your money and having a system to manage your money will help you reduce stress around money and build confidence to move forward successfully. With the above plan, you can address both the quantitative side of your life as well as your qualitative side of your life to build wealth well. It's critical to explore the emotional side of money and what it means to you so you can better understand the best way for you to approach the dollars and sense of it.
If you're single and are thinking about when to start a money date — the best time to start is now. You're not too young and you're not too old. If you start today, you're one step closer to reaching financial peace of mind. Step one is set up time for your first date.
If you're in a relationship, the best time to start a money date is when you're beginning to discuss building a future together. When you have an SO, it takes the complications of money one step further as you each have a history with money that you bring to the table and to the relationship. Unchecked, it can cause challenges when it may be too late. Building habits early on and normalizing conversations about money will help you to implement the steps and actions that are needed to realize your goals together.
Having money dates on a regular basis will keep you consistent, disciplined, and focused financially. The benefits to a money date (and a lifelong process of money dates) is financial confidence — knowing where you stand, having the choice to do what you want with your time and money, and building a healthier, wealthier you. Money touches every aspect of your life, but money dates help you feel less stress, more in control, communicate better, and make better decisions in all of those aspects. By addressing this now, you're navigating complicated but important differences that you will want to work through together and start setting up healthy money habits now for your future.
Looking for more tools to help you jump start your road to financial freedom? Look for courses, classes, podcasts, books, spreadsheets, websites, instagram accounts that focus on to help address all things money. Check out my blogs on http://www.themoneydatebox.com where I share strategies and tools to help you get smarter about your money.
